WHAT THIS IS
this is a place where I talk about things I have encountered/experienced, as opposed to enjoyed (which is what the other 3 "review-based" tabs are for). it's a little abstract but I have grand plans for it, hopefully... let's see.
Kong & Social Media
I hate Instagram. I post in the way all my peers do (“dumps” of curated selfies, group pictures, trip photos, and then stories of significant events or pretty places) but I haven’t found enjoyment in that in years. Instead it feels more like a kind of annoying subscription service: in exchange for forking over these images of myself and my life, I can assimilate into the digital public and be able to snoop on what acquaintances are up to. I guess I could stop posting and at points I have, but if old photos stay up for too long I get antsy. That’s not me anymore. Let’s look at the new one. For some reason it’s imperative to me that I am part of my peers’ digital public. But it’s not at all like being a person in the world.
It’s unnatural and my performance takes a lot of effort. I really hate it. Even my private stories where I try to be more casual and anecdotal are still carefully plotted. The worst part is that I’m not even very good at it: I can find individual photos I like and put them together but scrolling through my posts I can feel how artificial they are. My posts nearly look good but never openly so; when other people post all their slides seem to teem with life and beauty. This is partly due to my own insecurities but also I genuinely feel I am getting something of the formula wrong.
Blogging is the most fun I’ve had on the internet in forever. If I was brave I’d deactivate everything and live a life of anonymity but practically I rely on DMs to communicate and secretly I enjoy snooping, and very very occasionally I feel a rush of pride when I’ve performed correctly and my friends in my comments tell me I’m cute and cool and pretty. I like that the most. Tell me again.
Obviously worse than Instagram but somehow I find its rituals and lingo charming in a horrifying way; in my experience it is a place where you set your weapons aside and make peace with your enemies against the larger evil of corporate hiring systems and there's something beautiful in that, liking an ex's internship post so they in turn can boost yours.
Additionally: There’s no way around it anymore for a devoted careerbuilder but I hate how networking has removed the serendipitous encounter from my life. I’d really like to meet someone once and never again, and think and wonder about them occasionally. But now if anyone’s going to be anyone we’ve got to stay connected, get in the network, words that make me think of being clothespinned by my collar to an endless grid of washing lines. And now I can meet someone once and five months later continue to get updates on what company they’ve started at, or their master’s degree, or whatever. It’s disgusting. It’s unconscionable. But I met a girl working in an auction house last night and didn’t get her name or number, and this morning fiercely regret it. What if I want to work at that auction house… grabbing myself at the back of the collar again.